your social class, nor your intelligence determine your career success? That’s
right. If you spend the weekends reading Harvard Business Review and obsess over
your routine pre-bed sit-ups at the expense of having sex with your woman,
you’re hosing yourself and your career.
This makes sense. Right off the top of my head, I could name ten guys I know,
or have dated, who went to fancy schools, run fast, eat almonds, take longer to
get ready than I do, never get drunk, and generally have no clue how to be in a
relationship because they’re so obsessed with themselves and their success.
Coincidentally, these guys are alone and only somewhat successful.
I say “somewhat” successful because according to a 70-year study done at
Harvard University, if these men had better, more substantial relationships,
they would be even more successful. But they don’t understand that because
relationships take time, and time spent away from making money, or focusing on
himself, is time wasted (…and that’s why I don’t date finance guys). No need to
According to this seven-decade Harvard study I refer to, which can be found
over on Barking
Up The Wrong Tree, men in warm relationships make more money.
It gets better, too. Another psychiatrist, George Vaillant, named four key ways to measure
and predict how good a man is at “relationships,” and these four predictors are
highly correlated to how much men get paid. Ladies, write this down.
Four Ways to Indirectly Measure Warm Relationships
1) How cohesive was his home-life when he was little. How warm were his
relationships with mother, father, and brothers and sisters?
2) What was his overall “soundness” at age 21? Soundness was measured by: A)
how he handled problems, B) how he handled warmth and touch (basically how
sensitive he is), C) how social he is or was he susceptible to mood swings.
3) How mature/immature was he when he was 20 to 35 years old? Maturity had to
do with his coping style, like how patient he is, or did act out a lot?
4) What were his “object relations” from when he was 30 to 47 years old? Good
object relations included gaining points for being married for more than ten
years, having children, being close (versus distant) to his children, having a
lot of friends and being close with family (his parents).
The study shows that these four things are HIGHLY predictive of income and
job prestige for men. Shocker!
- Men with the warmest childhoods (#1 above) made about 60 percent more in
salary than the men with poor childhood relationships.
- Men with the most mature coping style (#3 above), between 20 to 35 years
old, made more than double the income of men with an immature copying style.
- Men with the highest “object relations” score (#4 above) when they were
roughly 47 years old made over double the income of men with low object
relations scores (like not being married, or being distant from their kids,
I really don’t know what else to say here. It’s so obvious that good
relationships, both past and present, are the winning ingredient to a successful
career and lifestyle. So guys, if you want to make more money, it’s time to
rethink your obsession over yourself and your money and work on your